Kyle Idleman recently wrote a book titled, “The End of Me”. While I have only just begun reading it, I continue to roll the title around in my mind. Something about it struck me where I am in this season of my life. What would my life look like if I had truly come to the end of me? What if I had finally let go of all the pretense, the striving, and the quest for my many selfish pursuits?
What if I once and for all decided I had finally had enough of me and wanted nothing further to do with myself? What might become of my life? I know when I reach the end of me, all that will be left is Jesus.
If we have chosen to love, serve, and follow Christ, He resides in the core of our being. In our purest form, we look like Jesus. But few of us live in our purest form. We spend years piling non-essential, trivial, and ultimately selfish trinkets and pursuits on top of Jesus. We become identified by what we possess or pursue rather than to whom we belong. In short, we are obsessed with the creation of a “me” we think will make us happy and garner respect and admiration from those around us. We live for “me” instead of for the One who created us.
Until I come to the end of me, there will be too much clutter in my life. All the things I pursue instead of God block my ability to live the amazing life He envisioned for me at my birth. God knows what each person needs most, and He knows how each of us can best serve His Kingdom. We have all been wired specifically and uniquely to impact our world for Christ. Somewhere along the journey we buy into the lies of Satan and lose our way. We still believe in Jesus, but we live our lives in such a way that He is no longer at the forefront.
All this “stuff”, all this clutter in our lives has to be pushed aside, piled up, and burned away. Until that happens, we will never know what it means to come to the end of ourselves. We’ll never know the joy found in that moment when we discover Jesus is all there is, all there ever really was, and all we will ever need.
I am convinced true disciples of Jesus will have an unyielding ache to come to the end of themselves. We who love Christ more than all else recognize the “all else” too often keeps us from seeing Him as He truly is and from following Him without reservation. As long as we are relying on our own strength, or even that of someone else, we won’t trust Him with our lives. Until we recognize how selfish our daily pursuits are, we will never understand He is sufficient at all times and in all ways. We will remain too blind to see peace, joy, and purpose can only be found when we finally and willfully come to the end of ourselves. That’s not the life I want to live. I want to give it all away and live for Him. I want to come to the end of me.